The wonders of womanhood.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay.

Attention! A soapbox is being stood upon!

Last night after Drinking Liberally with Kath, my liberal spirit invigorated by, well, some liberal spirits, I walked to my bus stop, only to find 4 women squeezed on the bus stop bench with their big white doggie bags and even bigger......mouths?

(That's not really what I want to say. But I am trying to be somewhat non-judgemental.)

OK, who am I kidding? Fuck that. They were all large-bootied, loud-mouthed, bleached- blondes who had all probably just unbuttoned their tight acid-washed jeans after the big steak meals they had just scarfed down at Willie Gs. And they were "resting" on the bus stop bench as if it were a nice pleasant park bench on the 16th Street mall.

Meanwhile, about 10 of us are actually waiting for the bus. Standing up behind them.

So they're laughing and snapping photos and one of them starts making fun of the bus: HHHHAHHhhahhhh, cackle, cackle, cackle.....ewwwww we better move, we look like we're waiting for the bus, ahhahhhhahhhaaa, ewwwwww yuck the bus, cackle cackle, cackle......

The liberally invigorated me couldn't handle it.

What's wrong with the bus? I declared. They all turned around to stare at little redheaded me and one of them goes "WHAT did you just say?"

I said, what is wrong with riding the bus? Are you guys waiting here to ride the bus? Because some of us are.

So then they got up, all huffy, and as they walked away one of them said something to the effect of "at least we can afford cars, bitch!"

I was SO fucking pissed! Not really so much at them (I couldn't be....shit, bitches would have chewed me up and spit me out in like 10 seconds flat!) but at the perception in general of public transportation in this town. Does taking the bus make me low-class? Is the only reason I ride the bus is because I can't afford a car?

I want everyone to ask themselves this: why don't YOU take the bus? Even if it's just to go downtown on the weekends?

I can't begin to tell you the excuses I've heard- like, one time this girl at a party would not even get on it to go home with Kevin and I because of "the dirty people." Yes, there are some nasty people who ride the bus (even I don't touch the poles) but there are nasty people in airports too. Hell, there are nasty people EVERYWHERE.

Something needs to be done about the image of the bus. I'm tired of getting the looks of pity when I open my bus schedule in public. I fucking drive a brand new Outback, people! I don't need to take the bus, I take it because I want to! I take it because it is much better than getting a DUI. I take it because it is much better than circling downtown 50 million times looking for parking. I take it because it is better than feeding the rip-off meters a quarter for 10 minutes and then getting a parking ticket because you didn't put in enough change. I take it because yes, there ARE dirty weird people on the bus, but these dirty weird people are also very entertaining and enrich my life in ways that remind me how interesting and diverse living in the city is.

And......dum da dum dum....it's good for the ENVIRONMENT! Denver has awesome new hybrid buses now that are new and clean and nicely air conditioned. It's one more thing you can do to help those polar bears!

So please, if you can....try taking the bus a few times! If more hip, attractive, non-bum looking people rode it maybe the ignorance that it's a low-class mode of transportation would subside!

Crocadoodledoo.

NO THEY DID NOT!

How fucking stupid.

(Even that bit of moronic consumerism did not cheer me up. I feel sad today. Unworthy and untalented. Fat and unhealthy. Tired. Please ignore me.)

I don't care that you don't care what I did this weekend.

So how was everyone's weekends?

On a scale of 1 - 57, I would give mine a 49.

Hey- guess what I did? I painted a dresser. Cute, huh?



I do believe this very dresser (purchased back in '99 upon moving to Colorado) is now on its 6th or 7th paint job. (Most recently it was midnight blue) Aren't the new knobs adorable? Half-price at Anthropologie!

I got reprimanded for "painting a dresser that didn't need to be painted" instead of helping with the packing....but oh yes, it needed painting and it needed it right then and there. I am like that - you gotta follow urges when they strike, otherwise....nothing ever gets done! ;)

This weekend I also: did happy hour with work folk, ate dinner at Wazee Supper Club, went to Double Daughter's for cocktails, ran into this guy I know from GMU who is now homeless and so very weird, signed a lease, ate breakfast at Mona's, watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the new one), made fish tacos, went to Body Worlds**, went for a run, read Real Simple, worked on my wristlet, went to the mall, ate watermelon, did laundry, stressed over something, watched Failure to Launch, ate a delicious salad, and misted myself to sleep at a very early hour (it was a fucking OVEN in our room!).

Uggggh, now it's Monday and yeah, you knew that.

** Body Worlds. Wayyyyyy too fucking crowded. It was 5:45 am and per usual, I was cranky as hell. People were chewing gum like cows while reading the exhibit signs over my shoulder. I just about bitchslapped someone. And why in holy hell do people - no matter what tourist attraction you're at - feel the need for serious PDA, especially -ESPECIALLY- at 6 am? Did the Penis Jerky turn them on? ICK! French kissing over a preserved diseased heart is about the most irritating scene ever.

Body Worlds was fascinating nevertheless. I didn't feel like I was looking at real people though. Next to the black lung of a smoker was a bit of tacky propaganda....a sign promoting an "I Quit" campaign to stop smoking. Like the gross black lung wasn't enough of a message? What I couldn't figure out, though, is why there wasn't a sign with the McDonald's logo crossed out next to the digusting slab of FAT of a 300 lb. person. How come people weren't signing promise slips to stop eating crap and get off their asses and exercise?

You know it's love when...

....you get rid of all your duplicate CDs.

Now THAT'S commitment.

People will take anything if its free.

Why is putting free stuff out on the curb so damn entertaining?

First we lugged out our old futon. Not 5 minutes later, a minivan packed with people pulled up and started huffing and puffing the rickety frame and flattened old mattress into the back...Kev ran out there and asked if they wanted a second old mattress and they got all excited about that. I'm still not sure how they got it all home.

Next we disposed of Kevin's hideous water-stained side table (thank god!). Again, snatched up immediately.

Then there was the Pier One bookshelf, which in its day was quite nice....that is, until Lucy knawed the hell out of it. This item left the curb in 30 seconds flat.

(By this point, Kevin had suggested we crack open beers and sit on the porch to watch people take away our crap.)

I hauled out a little table that was missing one leg due to some girls wrestling on my front porch (don't ask). Kev was sure that wouldn't go and was embarrassed that I would put such a piece of trash out for the taking.

You watch, baby, I said. Someone will think this is a gem!

(And of course, someone did.)

It's like feeding the birds....you put junk out, they come and take! It's becoming a game......what's the biggest piece of shit we can put out there that someone will take just because it's free?

I'm eyeing some stuff as I write this. Who needs a trip to Goodwill?

The sound of me retracting my bitchery.

Well I'll be damned. For every douchebag in the world there is a truly wonderful person. The most overeager CL purchaser in the ever-lovin' heavens came right over, just mere minutes after emailing me, and bought our stuff. And he even gave us an extra $5, all the while exclaiming "what a steal!" ;)

All is right in rosalicious' world again. People are good, babies are cute, the birds make pretty chirping noises.....

This Weekend

We will be packing fools. I'll let y'all know if we have any more shit to unload. Then I can FAX you a contract that you will sign saying that you will come over exactly at X:XX to retrieve the goods.

(Yes, even I know how to make fun of myself, thank you very much.)

And thank lord we also got tickets to this . At 6 AM ON SUNDAY MORNING. Oh well. I guess this is what we get for being such huge procrastinators. (And for wanting to see dead bodies.)

I also need to get cracking on my wristlet. I went to this awesome store in search of inspiration and vintage fabric and what did I do? Bought some oil cloth (which I LOVE!) for myself. I know....typical. So much easier to buy for one's self than for others!

(This is also why I am a shitty Christmas shopper.)

I honestly feel a wee bit of pressure since my wristlet partner is the wristlet queen herself! How will my creation ever compete with her fabulousness? Maybe I'll deflect from the appearance of my wristlet by stuffing it with awesome tchotchkes. Or cash. Better yet, maybe I'll stuff it full SO of cash she can go out and buy herself a Prada bag and forget all about my sad little wristlet.

Anywayyyyyy. The person making my wristlet is from Chile! I can't wait to see what I get from CHILE. Awesome!

So back to Fancy Tiger. They have craft classes and all sorts of fun shindigs. I have been craving some women-only group action.....book club, cooking club, sewing club, drinking club, wine club, etc. I have also always wanted to have a clothes swap.....anyway, is anyone interested in Fancy Tiger?

I believe in karma.

Congratulations, you are now the proud recipient of BAD CRAIGSLIST KARMA.

Thanks for showing up last night, we really enjoyed waiting around for you.

Does the fact that I just emailed that to the chick who never showed up to buy our dresser last night make me a total asshole?

(Maybe.)

Kevin said it's to be expected, it's just an online sale....and to that I say: IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER! It's about being a nice person. Bitch had my phone number and everything....how hard is it to call and say "sorry we've changed our minds?"

There really should be a CL forum called "Bad Karma" or "The Forum of Shame" and everyone who rips people off, doesn't show up, has bad juju, etc gets their ass called out on it....that way, you can check to see if the person you're doing business with is a total fucktard.

So, here would be my entry:

Monica D. Trujillo SSgt 721 SFS/SFO. Don't be fooled by all the fancy trustworthy-sounding military gobbledygook behind the name. She will email you 5 times about how her cousin is going to help her move it and oh yeah, what's the address again? And then you will sit around for like 3 hours waiting, after you've totally destroyed your bedroom just to get the fucking dresser ready to move. Don't sell anything to this chick.

(Hmmmm, ya think someone has PMS?)

OK...I am feeling all bad now, like maybe she got in a wreck on the way to my house or she got hijacked on Federal or her car broke down and she was kidnapped?

Siiiggggggh. Being a bitch is incredibly guilt-inducing.

Lunchkins.

So, speaking of the shit I eat for lunch (See! Even the fucking TITLE of that book is a writing prompt!), right now I am eating this weirdo fake meat patty that Kevin picked up at Whole Foods this week.....it's not a veggie burger, not an okra nugget, not a soy hot dog.....

I pulled it out of the freezer this morning with a big resounding "what the fuck is this?" (Although no one was around to answer me, except Lucy, who was completely uninterested in what appeared to be a dead jellyfish dangling in front of her schnozz). Despite the weirdo fake meat patty's questionable constitution, I packed it in my lunch anyway.

And now that it's been nuked and is happily perched in my salad? TASTY! Just like grilled chicken! mmmmmMMMMM.

(There is also gorgonzola and balsamic vinegar to be fawned over. Tastiness times 3! See? Lunch isn't boring. Lunch is yummy!)

**Update**
I just checked out the website hubs left in the comments. HAHHHAHHHAAAAA! Can I be a poster too? ;)

**Another completely unrelated update**
I just sold our dresser and nightstand on CL in 10 minutes flat. Duuuude.

Blog self-help book.

Because I feel like lately my blog entries have been a big wasteland of stupid drunk stories and, well, the shit I had for lunch, I totally just bought this book .

Feelin' some more blogger luv 'n stuff.

I technically met Kath for the first time this past Saturday (not Monday night at Howard's gig). Someone asked me if it was like a blind date. Actually, no. It wasn't at all. For one, I don't date women ;) Second, I read her blog everyday...I already had a sense of her voice and character....and lo and behold, I was RIGHT! Kath is as sweet and outgoing in person as she is online.

Anyway! We had dinner @ my go-to bar, Mead Street, then went out to her little oasis in the desert to give her newly-sod ground a big sippy poo of agua. I admired (envied) her cute immaculate house and mentally gave it the rosalicious cleanliness stamp of approval. Not many places get this, people.

We then headed back to my neck of the woods to the Oriental Theater to see one of my favorite local bands, The Reals. And we took this picture of us with our jager drinks! And hot dang, I am allowed to post it!


bloggers
Originally uploaded by Rosalicious.

(For future blogging reference, anyone can post my pic!** I mean, hell. Over there in the side bar is a full fucking flickr set of me in my bikini. I have no shame. However, this is by NO MEANS an invitation to march on over there and gape at my fat white thighs.....sheesh. Show some restraint!)

So, my picture posting policy aside, I guess the moral of this post is that meeting bloggers in person is NOT scary, it is awesome! Get out and meet your local bloggers today!

**OK. Maybe not pictures of me passed out with bad words Sharpied on my forehead. Those are not allowed.

Moving out.

Last night I met up with these fine ladies to check out Howard's incredibly talented comedy troupe at Jazz @ Jack's.

My my. So damn good to chortle, guffaw, and titter.

And that's just the comedy troupe. These bloggers? From the stories I've heard, I do think them's my kinda folk....naked drinking jenga? HELLS YESSSSSSSSS! They ain't seen nothing yet! ;)

(Sorry, I didn't once whip out the camera. What kind of a blogger am I? Oh well....there will be more opportunities for snapping pics- at least there better be, naked photos and double chins notwithstanding :)

Besides putting faces to websites, I've just been lying around the hot as shit homestead, panting my ass off alongside Lucy and Biggie Purrs. We need to think about packing this upcoming weekend and moving the next, which makes me want run far far away at the mere thought. At least we are fully stocked in beer, which will make the bribery that much easier.

Anyone? Anyone?

Hot Denver blogger action.

Today has been sorta busy and I am too fucking hot and bothered to put brain to blog post.

Speaking of hot, there IS some hot Denver blogger action going on tonight.

(And no, I am not referring to some sort of naughty swingers club.)

Maybe I'll take some pictures or something.

Love on a steamy Monday afternoon,

rosalish.

Go us, the search is over.

I said you would be the first to know and now you're the first to know:

We found a house! Or, shall I say, it found us via my saavy CL ad.

And it's just perfect. Cheaper rent than what we have now, smaller but not much smaller, wood floors and unique character, a fenced in yard with GOOD GRASS (not a shit pile of weeds) and a flagstone patio and covered terrace area, and the best part is the landlord seems eager to please US.

I think he is a nice Christian man.

We are just down the street from the new LoLa and walking distance to LoDo....but still in the East Highlands. A new 'hood to explore! weeeeeeeeeee!

A post that involves a slight overusage of parenthetical statements.

I know, y'all, I know. IT'S HOT.

It was pretty fucking hot this time last year too.

And if y'all don't start recycling your shit, driving hybrid cars, carpooling, biking to work, buying alternative energy, and planting more goddamn trees get used to it because: IT IS ONLY GOING TO GET HOTTER!

So stop your bitching and go pour yourself a nice cold wind-powered created drink.

I, for one, plan on doing just that here in about an hour and a half. We have quite a plentiful supply of New Belgium beers right now, thanks to one lovely NB employee who is "paying" us room and board in beer. It's all who you know, people. Allllll who you know.

We are STILL mired in the almighty house hunt, which I am loathe to write about because I know, it's soooooo boring. I don't even want to write about it. Let's put it this way: when we find something, you'll be the first to know.

(I am looking at a house on Sunday with a HOT TUB! GiddyUUPPP!)

In rosalicious falling off the health bandwagon news, I have had margaritas for dinner for the past 2 nights. Last night, while we were driving around the 'hood with our eyes peeled for the ubiquitous (or shall I say NON-EXISTANT) red FOR RENT signs, we saw our friends Jane and Shannon having cocktails on the patio at Aztec Sol, a mexi bar with a dizzying array of tequila. Did we stop and join? Hell yeah! $1 margs for the ladies...you can't beat that.

(Just don't go there. It's still our neighborhood secret.)

I am also meeting my very first Denver blogger IN PERSON! I hope I live up to my own hype!

(Ha ha, of course. I really just hope I don't get completely shitfaced and puke in anyone's sink.)

Should be a fun weekend. Stay cool kiddos!

Cheers to me!

Quick: what's special about a 300th blog post?

Ummmm, yeah. That's what I thought.

(BTW-This isn't the 300th, this is 301.)

But.....Cheers me for having a 300th post anyway! Yayyyyyyyy meeeeeee!

(I'm drunk. We had our staff retreat today, which ended in a team building exercise commonly known as HAPPY HOUR. Nothing builds morale better than drinks on the company dollar, n'est pas?)

I am also indulging in something so very shameful right now. So very very very shameful. Like, if I tell you, you might not like me anymore.

Shhhhhh. I made Kevin go walk the dog so I could do this in private. It's total top-secret. Shhhhhh.

It's a show. On MTV.

I'll leave it at that - Kevin said I can't have the TV AND the computer.....and he's right.

But guess what I'm watching?!!???!!

(Another thing: Kevin just said "how can you live with yourself watching this shit?" Do you think he is being a big old meanie? Or is he just looking out for my best interest? Oh he is being so funny....now he just said "think how much more pleasant America is with the TV off?" b/c he just turned it off! yeah- he's that guy.)

Ahhhhhh, such is my life. Toodles!

Bananas and blow.

Holy apeshit freakout, girls and boys! This summer is completely passing me by. I still haven't: gone camping, pumped a watermelon full of vodka, been on a boat, made sangria, gone to a pool, eaten tomatoes from the garden, used up my sunblock, gone to Film on the Rocks, watched the sun set from a mountain, been to the symphony in the park, had a picnic, played golf, skinny dipped, stayed up all night, gone fishing, been to Mishawaka for a show, gone tubing, bought flowers for my house, made a kickass potato salad, gotten enough freckles, read trashy novels on a beach, sat around a bonfire, thrown a big blowout, or eaten enough fruit.

What in the lord's good name praise jesus hallelujah to your mother is wrong with me?

Work schmork.

I have spent the greater part of the afternoon, among other things, working on transferring all the links from my Favorites folder to my links list on the right.

LOOK! You Colorado people are now in your own group! Isn't that so special? It's like we have a party going on up in here.

If you would like to be listed along with these exquisite peeps and you live in Denver proper, let me know.....

In need of an attitube adjustment.

Happy Freaking Monday, people. Actually, it is- by far- not the worst I've ever had but it's also not rocking my world by any stretch of the imagination.....

I am feeling downright stressed and upset at the moment. And just now I ate 3 slices of greasy pizza for lunch so I am feeling pretty fucking vomitous to boot....ick ick ICK!

We are having no luck finding a place to live. Dives, dumps, overpriced pieces of shit....yeah, if you're looking for one of those hell, COME ON OVER TO THE HIGHLANDS. Everyone else is.

Yes- I know our neighborhood is, like, the next "Wash Park" but WE WERE HERE FIRST, before it was even considered cool. Now all you Swimclub 32-lovin' trendy bandwagon jumpers are marching right all up in our 'hood and taking all our houses! You want soooooo badly to live over here that you will pay $1,500 a month for a cracked out little bungalow, thus pushing rental prices over the effing roof!

Well- fuck y'all. We are going over to 5 Points before THAT area gets too cool for school.

(All of the above declared in my best gangsta bitch voice. haha.)

Also: some fucker stole Kevin's bike yesterday. We are having all the luck of a pair of zoo monkeys.

Right. So let's talk about something good. I got my $$ back. Woohhooo WELLS FARGO! And we finally saw An Inconvenient Truth this weekend.

Now, I know 99.9% of my readership has seen it or intends to see it, but for that last .1%....GO SEE THIS MOVIE. Immediately. Did anyone else CRY? I did. It was such a powerful movie, which is to say it was extremely well-done. I left with a pit in my stomach concerning many things regarding my life- one of which is the place where I work.

That's all you get about that. Buy me a cocktail and we'll talk turkey and coal mines and shit.

Welllll. Sorry to be such a downer on the FIRST DAY OF SUNSHINE in like, weeks. Wow, we Coloradans are no good without sunshine, at least I'm not. Are you?

(Funny, the only thing that comes to mind to end this post with is the thought of this big beer bong-type tube called an "attitube adjustment" that we used to chug from in college...)

Cracknip.

Yesterday Hendrix scored himself an eighth of the diggity-dank. From what I hear, the bag was SICK, dude.

Camera purge!

We finally got out to play some disc golf - Lucy waits for Kevin to throw.


Tasty treat...


Tom Petty....really, it's him I promise...


Beer #1979487983 @ Pearl Jam/Tom Petty


We actually did get this *one* photo on the "lightning hike..."


Sad little firework in the rain...


Kev and Lucy on Mt Belford - Lucy's first 14er ;)


Rockies Game last night - it poured while we posed ;)


Brothers.....aren't they cute?

It's a cold rainy morning- just perfect to be hungover. I am eating flax seed waffles and watching E's Sexiest Latin Lovers.

Exciting, I know. Maybe I'll feel a little more entertaining later on today but for now......this is all you get. Snnnnnooooooooore.

2 ways I've been called out on my uncoolness today.

1. I still wear gauchos.

2. I don't have a myspace account/profile/whateverthefuckitis.

I must be, like, the biggest dork ever.

Run rosebud run

Heyyyyyy.

I almost didn't post today because I don't have pictures from the weekend yet (Kevin has the camera with him - he's out camping and doing a 14'er with his brother) but I guess I can still tell y'all all about our adventuresome hike yesterday since we didn't *GET* any pictures of it.

Because we were so busy running from lightning.

It's kind of funny now, us up there running our asses off to lord knows where....well, to lower ground ideally, except we had never been in this area before and had no idea what the hell was around the next bend. We just ran. From IT.

IT was insanely scary. I am really freaked the fuck out by lightning (Kevin too) and this was intense - crazy bright flashing light all around us and extremely loud cracking thunder right overhead. We were kind of up in these high open meadows with hardly any cover and LOTS of burned trees from past strikes. The only choice we had was to run like hell to get somewhere OTHER than where we were. It was definitely one of my freakier sojourns into nature.

But, we obviously survived ;) I pulled my hamstring something fierce during one of our mountain sprints and let me tell you, I am getting pretty freaking sick of all these sports-type injuries! I seem to have a new one each week.

Otherwise, I partied wayyyyy too hard this weekend and I am so feeling it today. I'm looking forward to having the house to myself tonight for some much needed sober quiet time! More updates on the rest of the weekend's activities later...

Oh. Wells Fargo just called. They rock. They're emailing me a claim so they can reimburse me for what that FUCKER stole. The charges, which were initially all those $1 pending charges you get when you get gas at gas stations, finally came through. I was panicking because I had no idea what the piece of shit cab driver spent....luckily, it was only $121. If it had been one day earlier, the day before payday when I was out of money, he wouldn't have been able to buy shit, which would have been sweet ;) But he chose to rob me on PAYDAY where he could have thousands (OK, let's say at least a thousand- wink, wink) at his disposal.

My charge for the cab ride never went through - imagine that! And all the charges were for gas, at the same gas station in Aurora. Definitely the cab driver. Fucker.

Always get the number of your cab driver.

I am having the worst day. I AM SO FUCKING PISSED and I have no one to tell but you so sorry you'll just have to suffer through ;)

STOP RIGHT THERE, THIS POST DOES NOT DESERVE HAPPY FACES!

I got wasted last night (surprise, surprise) and left my Visa debit card in the taxi, or rather- dude never gave it back. Well, I just checked my account and THEY SPENT AND THEY SPENT AND THEY SPENT motherfucking bastards. I hate cabs, and I don't give a fuck if they get me home safely and have to deal with my drunkass....it is a shady fucking business. No cab company keeps any records of drop offs- can you believe that shit? So I have no way to trace. But OF COURSE it was the cab driver, I have no doubt- because whoever it was charged 5 fucking tanks of gas on my account!!!!! I hope this person suffers immensely. I hope karma fucking does its work. I hate people who steal, why do people steal? It is so not fair.

Oh, and I puked in the sink last night. Lovely.

But at least my hair looks pretty!