Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Juan: penis to all, friend to many.

There are MANY, MANY funny highlights from Emily's bachelorette night, but Juan, our mascot, was, without a doubt, the biggest.

Juan went everywhere with us. Here he is with Emily taking the bus downtown:

em and her "date" for the night--juan! Originally uploaded by Rosalicious.

People thought we bought him with that face. Oh no, that face is a Rosalicious original, with inspiration from Emion, of course. And a little help from Sharpie. (Props also to Kevin for letting us raid his wife-beater collection.)

Juan started the night with us at Above the Dove, where his presence started a fight between yours truly and a girl with fucked up teeth. Not a real fight, mind you, but I was liquored up enough as to where she was NOT going to push my buttons, no sirree! She thought we were trying to use poor Juan to get a table with her fiancee--her FUGLY fiancee! I told her there was no way in hell we wanted her hideous looking yo-buddy fiancee. We didn't even notice her yo-buddy fiancee. We just wanted a place to perch!

Juan then posed with multiple bachelorettes and bar-goers, preparing for the Juan 2006 Calendar that we plan on selling at Emily's wedding for $5 a pop. Proceeds to Hurricane Katrina--I'm now taking orders, folks.

After the scene at Above the Dove, which finished up with shots of Tuaca and a gay Swede, we hit up Level, a club in the most clubbish-clubby-club-club of ways. Juan got his dance on, for sure. Here he is getting down with Megan:

juan gets manhandled
Originally uploaded by Rosalicious.

We took to the stage at one point (after Limbo-ing under the bar), grinding with Juan and generally acting like a bunch of, well, drunk chicks at a bachelorette party. I thought it would be fun to toss Juan out into the crowd. Apparently, according to Big Manly Bouncer, some bachelorettes the weekend prior got into a fight over an inflatable weinie.Hmmm. Seems these weinies are hot property.

Just look at Emion getting her groove on with Juan....can't you see how his manlihood would inspire drunken jealous catfights?

emion and juan
Originally uploaded by Rosalicious.

The last stop of the night, after Level, was the 9th Door, a chic-chic tapas place that I rather liked. There, Juan faced his demise as someone smushed a cigarette in his face. To further compound the impending deflation situation, one of the bartenders took Juan behind the bar and stomped on him. Hard. An act of jealousy, it was.

At this point, and unsurprisingly, this is all I remember about Juan's night out. The next morning, we found Juan in a sad puddle by the front door, wife beater and doo-rag stripped from his limp rubber body.

RIP Juan.


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