1 am revelations and such.
Alrighty, so I am a bit of a chatterbox today. Can you believe I woke up at 1 am last night (after a horrible dream, which I'll tell you about in just a sec) thinking of things I wanted to blog about? This isn't the first time this has happened. My racing mind often contributes to my insomnia--which I haven't had in awhile, luckily--but should insomnia rear its ugly head, I came home from Auntie's with a nice little stash of Ambien and Xanax. Mind you, I took one said Xanax on the chopppy plane ride home and did it help? NO.
Anyway, I had a wedding dream/nightmare last night. No surprise, given that we just wrapped up Wedding Season 2005 with a final grand total of 5 weddings. I woke up quite disturbed...in the dream, our wedding was half-assed thrown together. We forgot the vows, to which I replied we would simply write our own real quick. Kevin wasn't having it and in the dream, rosalicious was FRUSTRATED with his lack of creativity to write something from the heart. Kevin also would not help address invites and would not call anyone up to invite them, so nobody showed up. I was wearing a dress that was way too big and bunched up like a diaper in the back. Kevin also refused to buy me a ring, saying it was irrelevant and that we just needed to "get it over with." I was devastated.
When I woke up this morning I made Kevin promise that we would write our own vows. He agreed and also told me he would be sure to get me a ring. Whoopppeeee! Now, don't go getting your hopes up. We need a breather from wedding world. A good 2 year breather would be just fine. And if this isn't nerdy...I also told Kevin he wouldn't even have to do invites because I would have all the names in an excel spreadsheet and would simply do a word merge and print out mail labels. I mean, isn't this the obvious solution?
We watched "Mad Hot Ballroom" last night and BOY did that make me want to learn to dance! Especially the merengue. Love that sexy latin hip giration! Happily, Kevin is down with dance lessons! We're going to do it.
The thing about turning 30 soon that bothers me is that life has just been steadily passing me by. I go to work at my comfy but uneventful well-paying job, come home, put on jammies, watch some boob tube, make dinner, read, maybe take a bath, go to sleep. Next day: rinse, repeat. So boring! I am happy and content, but what about finding my dream? Learning new things? I don't even know what I want to "be," what I'm passionate about! I am living the life of a middle-aged woman (albeit the periodic drinking binges) without the middle-age! I am almost 30 and what do I know?
I know that life is short. I want to take classes and learn and write a book and be somebody with a lot of interesting experiences under her belt. I am not at all bothered by the fact that I'm not married yet, or don't have any kids yet, or that I have crow's feet around my eyes and a tummy roll. All OK by me. I am bothered that I am not living each day to the fullest and that I am constantly looking forward instead of looking directly at where I am RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.