Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Funny how a post like this quickly eats up an hour of your day.

I know that talking about the weather is probably the lamest way to start a blog post, but holy shit - has anyone been outside? It is GORGEOUS. Today is perfect....perfect temp, cloudless Kathy Sabine says "Tis a privilege to live in Colorado." INDEED.

Now that the lameness is all out of the way, let me bust out the real goods: I'm doing some serious re-evaluation of my life right now. While I am not unhappy, per se, there is some shit that needs to change. I don't want to tell you about it. OK, I will. Twist my damn arm. Just don't take it upon yourself to hold me accountable ....I already have a perfectly good ego (and boyfriend) to do that for me. Seriously, don't. It's annoying and is why I don't like writing shit like this to begin with.

Well then, the rules are laid. Shall I make a list? Oh yes, let's! It's a listy kind of day!

- Laziness. It's the first word to come to mind. I am not LAZY, as in lay-on-the-couch-like-a-sloth-lazy....I'm just apathetic and unmotivated. All around. In taking stock of my life this past week, I have realized that I have no immediate goals. Recently I fulfilled a lot of goals - I work out at least 5 times a week, I eat well, I don't smoke. And this is aweome. But now what?

- Work. BLAH and blah to the 50th fucking power. Either I find a way to jazz up my current professional life or find a way to get the hell out. I've got some huge (huge!) anxiety issues about this because I really HAVE NO IDEA what I want to do....I guess I would start with something creative, but also structured and organized, with groovy people who let me bring Lucy to work ;) I don't want to be a fundraiser anymore and I am finding it frustrating and hard to get my foot in the door elsewhere. I feel so stuck.

- Um, I also need to shape up my work attitude and appearance. Nobody's getting ahead in this attire.

- I dedicate this one to Kath: SAVE SOME FUCKING DINERO. Lord. I spend everything I make and I still never have enough. It's this "having enough" mentality that needs to go- I mean, do I seriously need new 400 thread count sheets? Kev has so graciously lent me his copy of "Affluenza"-- not only because it's a good book, but because it's an American epidemic and he seems to think I've caught the damn bug!

- On second thought, maybe I do need the 400 thread count sheets! I want to invest in quality things instead of blowing money on useless shit that will last a year or 2, at most. I don't need 5 pairs of cheap black pants - I need 2 quality nice-fitting ones. I don't need stupid Forever 21 sundresses and cheap Old Navy wife-beaters in 50 million colors. We've done really well in the food department - we only shop at Whole Foods (Oh shut the fuck up with the Whole-Foods-is-only-for-yuppies thing...I don't want to hear it. They take food stamps too, ya know), we don't buy a bunch of processed junk, we buy in bulk, etc - and I need to transfer this to my other, ahem, purchasing unnecessary trips to outlet malls.

- WHO AM I? I mean seriously. I don't even know sometimes.

- Lay off the partying. The hangovers are worse now more than ever. The resulting anxiety is too. I remember there was a time when it was all fun and games and I would be able to charge right on through any hangover - laughing all the way...ha ha ha. Not so anymore, friends. I get laid-up (out?) for at least a day now and IT SUCKS BIG ONES. I told Kevin the other night that I wanted to be a classier drinker, not the Irishlass badass who has to gulp down every shot that comes her way.

- I still love martinis. I just don't need 5 of them in one night. (I felt this needed its own line).

- Wow, this is getting tiring and depressing thinking of ways to improve myself- shit! Am I done yet?

- Almost. Use the brain more. Read harder books. Be more social. Get involved in SOMETHING. Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold.

- Get a goddamn HOBBY! Ok, maybe that's harsh. It's hard because working out kind of HAS become my hobby (as well as my anti-depressant). I go to 3 fitness classes a week, one yoga class, and run in between, and so that eats up a lot of my time during the week. But I need some balance. I need something I am good at (and it's not athletics, let me tell you. I still usually view exercise as a necessary evil).

- I know, this blog is a hobby. It's a good one too! But am I getting out of it what I want? What DO I want out of it?

Alright. I'm done - even though there's more. I basically need to clean up my act and get more out of life than I am currently getting. The possibilities are overwhelming.....and endless. I mean, it's hard enough just to LIVE from day to day. Maybe I am just being maniacal.....I don't know. I'm one of those people who is never satisfied with the status quo - I always want more.

Anyways. I started with the weather and now I will end with it: what are you doing still reading this hunk of self-congratulatory/self-loathing crap? Get your asses outside and play!


At 4:42 PM, Blogger Howard said...

I hear ya! I spent last Sunday on the couch doing nothing. I had no motivation, no gumph, no drive -- I think it's called depression. Anyway, I think I'm going through a mid-life crisis without the expensive car.

If you find the secret, please share!

At 11:53 AM, Anonymous hubs said...

welcome to my world!


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