A really long trip down memory lane. Or: Dude, where the hell is a scanner when I need one?

Whenever I go home to my mom's in VA, she always tries to pawn all my old high school shit off on me.

For the love of god Mother, I am not lugging my moldy old yearbooks home on the plane!

Yep, that's always what I'm up against. So on my last trip home I was spared: she agreed to mail some stuff out.

I just received a box from her (some of which ended up in the yard sale pile in the garage: 50 cents for an AHS soccer jacket, anyone?!). I was delighted that the package included a shoebox full of rosalicious memorabilia! It was fun to drink wine last night and go through all of it...

I have always been a chronic journaler. Behold, my diaries through the years:

The small ones say things like "I hate my mom, she won't let me go to the mall with Jessi. I also have my period, it is gross!"

The notebook ones say things like "We mixed Sherry with Dr. Pepper and then I french kissed Kris Galione in the closet." One of those notebooks is the equivalent of teen porn...Jess and I used to pass it back and forth- it's an ongoing story we wrote about teenagers who basically do nothing but go on dates and hook-up: Simone and Jackie are the heroines....modeled after ourselves, naturally!

The classier journals detail my life through college ("I am so psyched, we got Phish tickets to Hampton!"), my move to Boone, NC, then my move to Fort Collins, CO, and then through now: Denver. I actually just filled the teal one with the man on the front.

There were TONS of these priceless gems in the box:


My girlfriends and I would make them for each other while sitting in class, and they'd usually include quotes from songs and reference to our favorite topics: cigarettes, beer, weed, beach week, the "apartment," hooking up, people we liked, people we hated, places we partied, etc etc.


My friend Shannon and I particularly liked to write each other odes. The one that says "Romana" in red is an ode from Shannon and here it is:

After b-ball the boyz have that aroma of roses, psyche- I can't tell,
You got trees from your mirror so your car won't smell.

Rondell, Rondell, with a pick in your hair,
Jus' a smile and a wink forms cream in the ol' underwear.

Drayberry, Drayberry, your music tastes suck,
If you'd pop in some H-Town you'd have a better chance at a fuck.

Cuteness, cuteness, Shawn loves some,
You know when he threw Missy's legs up he was bustin' that cum.

Vincent, Vincent, he tried to be a dawg,
But I'm going to remember the good times @ his house,like seeing through the pot fog.

Yea we had some smoke fests, Newports, weed and whatnot,
The night wasn't over until the sound of an AK gunshot.

Charley's, Charley's I've only been there once after school,
Now I have to hide my car or drive Rondell's, that's the new rule.

Trucks, trucks, my poor JP is in the shop,
JPA better watch out for those undercover cops.

Hampton University, Norfolk State, and then I could go to Tech,
But I want a sangin', bangin', good lookin' ruffneck (YEA).

Back on the scene, freak me greasy, j'vais monge twat? are quotes we used last year,
But now we're more laid back- we just sit back, toke up, and have ourselves a beer.

Thanks, thanks, for all the laughs and fun,
Just remember: medium rare ain't as sweet as well done.

I'm sure there are only 3 people who will find that ode remotely funny. That Shannon! She was my roomie freshman year in college and I'm not sure I've seen her since! I believe she is married to the high school drug dealer--poor girl, she had such potential!

Anyway, moving on. Or back! Look it's my official "We Wear Bras" membership card!

I know, you can't see it very well. It's dated 1988, so I was 12. An official size 28A ;-)Yeah, baby!!

Here's another excerpt of something funny:

Last week at the football game you three members of the varsity squad were identified as having been on the football bus. Although rules of the squad do not address your being permitted or not permitted on the bus, the rules do say that you are to keep contact between yourself and the football players to a minimum when traveling together. Getting on the football bus is not acceptable. As a result, you will be benched for this week's game.

That's right, I got on that football bus to go give 50 blow jobs like cheerleaders do!(Yes, I was a cheerleader. Shut it.)

And the MEMORY BOOK:


This actually didn't come in the box but it resides there now. Jess and I came up with this in 1991 and made list upon list of shit that happened to us. We also made "Babe Lists." Did you make these, where you listed your crushes in order of desire? We even made them as recent as 1999! Ha!

My list in 1994:

1. Rich "Slippers" H. (because his lips felt soft like slippers)
2. Jean Lorber (no, I did not swing both ways! Jean is FRENCH.)
3. Will Burke (hot skater dude with no brains.)
4. Hani K. (this Egyptian guy who was a waiter on my Nile cruise! What??!!)
5. Ricky Randolph (ewwwwww, now he's just nasty.)

Obviously my list now is this:

1. Kevin McDermott, one and only...xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I am so glad I have all of this stuff to look back on and LAUGH!!!! I love being able to see myself develop through the years....how my handwriting changes according to who I'm hanging out with (this STILL happens), the music I like, the clothes I wear, the people I hang out with....

Yet so much about me is still EXACTLY THE SAME. I am still obsessed with my weight (from 1994: I weigh 115, I am sooooooo depressed), still obsessed with making to-do lists (I was making them in 1988!), still have a potty mouth and a dirty mind, still love the drink and the smoke, still love to write and dance and go to the beach.....

I am one of those girls who loved high school! It's kind of amazing to me, seeing as my parents' divorce happened then and my home life was in upheaval. Nothing in that box reflected any of that. I found my day planner from my senior year and it was so surprisingly similar to the one I have at my office now! Lots of doodles, lists of things to do, post-its, appointments, parties, lunches...Anyway, I was impressed with myself from that planner--I was responsible! I had a job and did well in school and was going to college!

It's kind of comforting to remember that I was a happy, normal teenager.

Well, if you've made it this far....congratulations! I know no one wants to travel down memory lane with me (except you guys- Jess and Patsy!)...I guess this post was more for myself.

YESN'T! I hope you laughed, m-effers!!!!!!