Off to ol' Virginny...

Have a great weekend everyone!

xo,
Rosie

Mental health school.

In an effort to kick some pharmaceutical company ass (ie. stop taking their drugs), I have enrolled in what I'll affectionately call "mental health school."

Next week I start a once a week, 1.5 hour class called "Mind Over Mood." I'm pretty psyched about it, actually. As long as there is no role playing...but I have the feeling there might be. I'm so not down with that! But go figure...I do it each semester with my students and I am a total ham ;-)

I also have an assignment from my therapist! It's a big ol' book called "Feeling Good" and I am to read it over the next month and report back as to what strategies I might apply to my own life. I LOVE self-help books. I have gobs of them and while I don't take them all as gospel, I enjoy the perspective. Yes, y'all, I even enjoy Dr. Phil, god bless him.

It's kind of no wonder that so many fucked up people end up becoming therapists. Once you get into it all, it is extremely interesting...I have always been intrigued with psychology and not to blow my own horn, but I get it (my therapist agrees). To some degree my job requires much psychology (communications and marketing) and I love that about it.

Nothing to wear.

I've made no bones about the fact that I hate shopping. Hate, with a capital H! But, you know, since I am relatively style-conscious (NOT trendy, there is a difference), every once in awhile it becomes a necessary evil.

So I am thinking that it would be nice to have a cute new skirt or dress to wear this weekend. Something springy, something stylish and flattering. Has anyone been to the mall lately? UGHHHHUGHHH! Everything is so cheap and ugly! What is with this "ragged" look? Every shirt, every skirt, looks like it's been hacked to shreds. Either that or it's too "straight out of Laguna Beach" or it's ultra-preppy. And no one sells full-on dresses anymore! Except Foley's, but have you been there too? God, who does their buying....heinous! Even my worst enemy wouldn't wear that shit.

Of course, the only place I find anything remotely worthy is at Anthropologie, where I try on a cute-as-a-button dress with a $198 price tag. This might be my only option, but I plan on trying Marshalls after work. Though that joint is so hit or miss. And it kind of smells bad in there.

This is what I get for being last minute, I suppose.

A few reasons why my weekend didn't entirely suck.

I had a pretty crummy weekend (did I just say crummy?). Guilt, anxiety, insomnia, hangover, weird dreams...just not that great of a weekend. Because I've already unloaded all my shit in my other, PRIVATE journal, and because rosalicious is typically full of goodness and light, I present you with a few shining stars from the past 2 days:

1. GEORGE MASON!!!!!! Get the fuck out.....they ROCK! I don't think I have EVER been so excited for a sporting event as I was yesterday! It's been fun--everyone at work has been coming up to me today, congratulating me. No one knew GMU before...I am sooooo proud of my alma mater I can't stand it! ;-) GO MASON!!!!

2. Saturday was 70 degrees and sunny. It was delightful.

3. Kevin came home from Utah and was VERY happy to see me :-) I love him!

4. I got my hair cut and gorgeously blown out. It smelled yummy too.

5. A friend from work is watching Lucy this weekend while we're in VA. I took Lucy over to their house meet Jane (Lucy and Jane--isn't that sweet?) and they got along great. Even though Jane is 8 months old and Lucy is 2, they played at the same caliber and will have a puppylicious time together!

6. We had thai food last night and watched The Sopranos. I had a dream last night that I hooked up with Tony Soprano and enjoyed it! Weird!

7. My aunt hired this guy to perform at my Mom's bachelorette party. OHMIGOD, it is going to be hysterical! I probably won't be the teensiest bit embarrassed either, that's the sad part. Can't you see me forcing Irish carbombs on my mama to loosen her up for "Lorenzo" and his performance? HAAAAHHAAAA! I can't wait.

Well, 'tis it for now. My new secretary started today and I am on good boss behavior.

Sorry, I can't think of a witty title right now.

I am a victim of Netflix crime! I came home last night to find my Netflix DVD in the mailbox, shrouded in a plastic bag with a big ol' sticker from the USPS saying "WE CARE."

They care?! The Netflix envelope was totally ripped apart. I pulled out the movie and lo....it was NOT my FINAL SEASON 5 DVD of The Sopranos! It was the WORST thing anyone could have possibly put in its place (well, maybe besides the Freddy Krueger movies)...it was a fucking YANKEES baseball game. I hate baseball, especially the Yankees. Someone stole my DVD!

I know, it's probably a mix-up, but look what they replaced it with?! Omens, y'all.

***

Speaking of omens, I recently read The Alchemist in one night. A little overrated, I think. I did like this line though, regarding alcohol:

"It's not what you put in your mouth that's evil, it's what comes out of it that's evil." (or something to that effect)

True that! It's never that I feel bad for the actual drinking, it's that I feel bad for running my mouth while drinking and saying stupid shit.

***

A word I like: Gewgaws. Ever heard that before? Me neither. It's kind of like knick-knack or tchotchke, 2 things I am very fond of!

***

Kevin comes back tomorrow! Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Bah! I have enjoyed my time alone this week, especially having the bed to sprawl out in! Everything has been all nice and clean and orderly and I have been able to watch all the crappy TV I want and not get bitched at for it....actually, come to think of it I haven't watched any TV--except for The OC last night. But that show is soooo not good anymore--way too predictable.

Now, I think we're ready for Kevin to come back. Lucy has missed her daddy...she's not used to being alone all day while I am at work. Everytime she would hear a car door shut in the street her little ears would perk, bless her heart. I think Biggie Purrs has missed him too.

***

I got a really yummy car air freshener and it makes me actually excited to get in the car and drive. I need some new music for that same feeling. (No, it's not Vanilla-rama. After being so obsessed with that tree-smell all in high school the scent now makes me want to vomit!)

***

Mason plays at 5:30 PM today.....PARTY! I am leaving early so I can take Lu for a run and then hit the bar for sports and beer! Kev would be so proud! I hope they win! And you all better pull for them! I am basically out of my pool- I picked Gonzaga to go all the way. But I have Mason now to cheer on--even better!!!

***

I'll add more shit as the day wears on I'm sure!

Needing a poo whilst driving?

If you are like me and enjoy perusing Craigslist on your lunch hour (er, or anytime during the day), please enjoy this little tale...

It is entitled "Needing a poo whilst driving?"

Most of the "Best Ofs" are sooooo totally made up, but I think this one might just be sincere. HA! I laughed my ass off.

A Book About Sorority Life: Snap, Snap**

I stayed up late last night, engrossed in the book I'm currently reading: Pledged: The Secret Life of Sororities by Alexandra Robbins. Hush now, I hear you snickering....yeah, you! (Alright, maybe there is a reason I am reading it while Kevin is out of town...I get enough shit as it is!)

From an ethnographical perspective, it's actually quite fascinating. A slice of American culture, if you will. But maybe I am biased.

I did a brief stint in a sorority while I was in college. And when I say brief I do mean brief....I pledged, got initiated, went home for the summer, came back, hung in there for awhile, then "turned in my badge." This was all over the span of 6 months.

I don't regret it, nor am I ever embarrasssed to say that I was in one. I still laugh about some of the shit we did and keep in touch with some of my "sisters" (hi Shannon!). I can't say "sisters" with a straight face. This right here was the problem.

I rushed because some other girls I knew were and I knew some girls in this one particular sorority (G-Phi-B, baby!). It was the spring of my freshman year so I didn't have to go through the whole disgusting rigamaroll that is fall rush (where you go to party after party of each sorority to, in a sense, "audition."). I just went to the one Gamma Phi Beta rush party, they loved me and my big fat 4.0, I was offered the bid, and I took it--just like that.

This post could very well be essay-sized, but to make my point: I quickly found out that I was NOT cut out to be a sorority girl. Shit was CHEESY! I could not do any of it with any seriousness.....except drink and party. Now that I could do. I was also quite talented with all the sorority crafting....man, could I work the magic with that PUFFY PAINT!

All the ritual crap, the ceremonies, the stupid Greek Week shit, the songs, "Big Sisters"....it was all so contrived and lame. I mean, I guess we did have some fun making fun of it and we used to get high and go to chapter meetings, which was always entertaining (and disturbing). But the commitment expectations were crazy. I got in trouble with the "Standards" Chair for not attending enough events. My punishment was to stand up in front of the chapter meeting and explain what sisterhood meant to me. This was like, the worst thing they could make me do! I thought the sisterhood was a crock of shit! (I ended up reading a stupid poem about friendship).

Everything in Robbins' book happened to me. Though not to the same extent, perhaps. I never lived in a house (which would be worse than hell!) and my sorority was never quite so intense. But it was all there....the hazing, the sorority flower and colors, the backstabbing, the promiscuity, the binge drinking, the traditions, the secret handshakes and codes (which I could NEVER remember!), all of it.

Alexandra Robbins went undercover in this book to write about it all.....you should check it out, even if sororities make you want to barf. Seriously, it's interesting, compelling, and somewhat mindblowing.

**Snapping is the way sororities show their approval in meetings. As in, Rosie should be brought up on standards because she missed the Pike mixer and she smokes a lot of weed....SNAP SNAP.

WEEN!

To my enormous delight, I just discovered that WEEN tickets at Red Rocks go on sale this Saturday. Ween is amongst my all-time favorite bands. Top three, definitely. The last time they were in CO it was near impossible to get tickets since it was at such a small venue.

I will not miss out this time! I am stoked!! Whoopppeeee....Weeeeeeeeeeeeeen! And at the best venue in the whole country! Who wants to go?

(A little to my dismay, they play in Charlottesville at the new(ish) amphitheater the weekend after I leave.....bummer. I have to wait until July now.)

To polish or not to polish.

In the past week I have had 3 different people stress to me the importance of a pedicure.

Example: I was at a party last Thursday and, in typical rosalicious fashion, I was playing a little match-maker with my pool partner. What do you look for in a girl, I asked (er, OK....maybe slurred? Maybe demanded? Hard to tell...). Well, he replied right off the bat, she has to get her toes done.

Now, I can certainly understand the importance of a lack of toe jam and the foot funk in general, but are most guys really into the all out color and sheen of a freshly pedicured tootsie?

There was a time when I thought my feet looked aboslutely disgusting without any toenail polish. I'd say this was 1992, 93, 94 maybe? Since then, I've kind of liked the au-natural look. My feet are tiny and cute anyway...polish? Sorta trashy!

Maybe I should reconsider though! Last night in yoga I was thinking about this. My yoga teacher, whom I greatly admire, had a sparkly copper on her toes and it looked quite pretty! I counted at least half the class with painted toes. Yogis! With nail polish!

Do people look at my feet and think, man she could really use a pedi! It's not like I sport Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos...I am a Chaco wearing girl through and through. Hmmm. I don't know if I am self-conscious about this now or not.

What do y'all think?

What I was doing at this time last year.

What a difference a good night of sleep makes!

This picture doesn't even depress me today:


OK. Maybe it does a little.

Glum-central.

I'm feeling kind of glum this morning. It's all cold and snowy on this first day of spring! I am just yearning for some warm weather. Not to mention the paranoia that is leaving the house unattended when it's this cold....(PIPES!)

Kev is headed off to Utah for the week. Another reason for glum-central. I know they aren't going to have great weather like we did last year, but I'm still bummed not to be going. I love the canyons in the spring! Instead, I am HERE. Wondering how and when I can spiff up my career and get this monkey off my back. Maybe more on that another day...

Lord--the more I write the more glum I get! OUCH!

In better news, yesterday was spent mired in BBALL! George Mason beat Carolina!!! Wooohhoooo! I am screwed in the pool department, and feel like the most unloyal fan ever for picking Carolina over GMU...but hell--who knew?! I even got a little misty-eyed when they won! I love an underdog, especially when they're MY underdogs.

Em came by for few hours and we whittled away the afternoon over beers at Patrick Carrolls. After that, we watched both new episodes of The Sopranos at Shar and Alex's. Last night's episode was weird....Carmela looked like ass and AJ? Is he like a total hipster now, or what? I bet he joins the family business shortly. Meadow looks great....everyone else just looks old. It was interesting to see Tony in the role of that Finnerty guy--I bet that's how James Gandolfini is in real life, more like that character.

We ate pizza from Carl's and chocolate-covered strawberries for dinner. That did me wrong in the worst way--I woke up at 1 am feeling both parched and stuffed. I am still off! I am munching on my millet, quinoa, and amaranth breakfast cereal right now....today will be dealt with in moderation. One thing Jenn emphasizes is to not punish or judge yourself for setbacks, just calmly and quietly get back on that horse. Oh....and no one can EVER expect perfection. Plus, I heart some serious pizza--I will never, ever give up pizza! YUM!

Well, the glum is lifting ever-so slightly. Our Monday morning meeting has been cancelled. Let's hope Director's lunch is too-- I could really use an ass-kicking in the form of a step class. I have a therapy appointment today too.....I need to prepare my "agenda." I only get 45 minutes and need to get certain things covered.

Anyways.....catch ya later.

Stuff.

Saturday night: I am sitting on the floor in the dining room drinking a delicious Sangiovese. itunes is playing "Joey" by Bob Dylan. I just made homemade soup (Portugese Vegetable) and a broccoli and onion quiche. Lucy is next to me--she got a really good strong run today. Hendrix's new kittysitter came by to meet us--she seems cool (even though she was 2 hours late). It's been a good day!

As opposed to yesterday. I was naughty! We went out Thursday night, not to return home until 4:30 am! My old bones can't take that kind of tired! I rallied, however, and made it in to work--ummm, OK for 2 hours. Then I HAD to come home....I couldn't take it--even my infamous "open-eyed nap" at my desk didn't do the trick. I slept until 3. So college of me! After I got up, we watched some basketball.....all I have to say is GO GEORGE MASON! My alma mater won! Of course, no one in my pool picked them so I was VERRRRYY proud of my team (and of myself)!

I am not so much a sports fan. But I can appreciate some college basketball--especially the tournament. Kevin is so elated that I am into it. The truth? It's the bracket that does it for me...I have all my winning teams all neatly highlighted. It's pretty fun! Last year I came in dead last so hopefully I'll fare better this year--although I got mine in late--OOPS! Jenn says the late-comer always loses. Maybe karmically that is right--but it's not like ME, of all people, cheated. C'mon now.

Anyway, after watching the game(s), we went to dinner at Swing Thai, a new YUMMY thai restaurant in our 'hood. It's about damn time we got some good Asian! I hate all the Chinese joints around us--they're all so nasty and greasy. This place ROCKS! I'm pretty stoked--they deliver too. I can see we will be giving them LOTS of bid'ness! Woohooooooooo!!!!

After thai we started in on Season 5 of The Sopranos. We're almost there, people. Tomorrow night we're going to Shar and Alex's to watch the new stuff. Tonight we have episodes 4-8 of Season 5, so we won't completely be caught up, but oh well. I still can't believe I like this show so much. I bought an extra big bottle of some good italian wine for tomorrow night....and pizza. Pizza! Is that on my acceptable foods list? I am considering making my own.

The food change (I don't want to say diet)is going excellently. I feel great! I was just doing some reading on digestion and how it is the root of all illness/avenue to optimal health. The best thing anyone can do for themselves is to change their eating habits. For real! I know, I said I wouldn't be preachy--but it really is soooooo important to get all the necessary nutrients etc. This whole experience has changed my life forever. Here are the TOP things you need to start ingesting immediately: purified/distilled water (min. half your weight in oz/day), fiber, fish and flax oil, probiotics (yogurt etc), protein (not red meat), organic fruits and veggies, whole grains, green tea, and a good multi-vitamin. Throw in some good lovin' while you're at it :-)

Steely Dan reminds me of when I fell in love with Kevin. We were listening to "Hey 19" at his place on Laporte Ave. and he was dancing all cute--it was the middle of the afternoon and during that CD we proceeded to have sex on his living room floor. That might just be the very day that I knew he was THE ONE. In case you're wondering--that song was just on. (Incidentally, Steely Dan also reminds me of doing coke. Hmmm.)

We MUST get tickets for Telluride! It's going to be awesome this year. It's a big chunk of change all at once but sooooo worth it.

Well, Kevin just got home so I must say ADIOS for now. He brought me a sweet pair of windstopper gloves someone dropped on the trail. Thanks babe!

Easy tiger.

I feel like shit everytime I wear this outfit....why do you wear it then, you ask? Actually, your first question probably is: what is it? Well, it is a now too-big pair of striped brown trousers (I hate this word and so I guess it adequately describes these pants) from Old Navy. They feel and look extraordinarily unflattering. With it, I am wearing a white button down that actually fits quite nicely now with this weight loss--the boob area is no longer gaping open for all to see.

But....whatever. I feel like a total tool in this get-up and consequently I am going to blame my crappy day on the crappy outfit. Oh, and my hair looks like ass too today.

Wah Wah.

I need some excitement in my life. Today, the most exciting happening has been buying new athletic ankle socks from Target. (This is kind of exciting--they are all soft and white and cushy on the heel....can't wait to sport 'em today).

Some friends are going out for drinks tonight. I want to go but I am petrified of getting wasted, staying out too late, and working with a major hangover tomorrow. I have a serious problem with CONTROL. When Buzzed Rosie makes an appearance she just wants to party into the wee hours of the night when Professional Rosie knows deep down that this is a NO NO on a school night. Where and how does one draw the line? I have never been good at this.

In other drinking news, I am helping my aunt plan a bachelorette party for my mom. I giggle at the thought of my mom poking dollar bills into a stripper thong. Maybe I just giggle at the thought of male strippers in general...I've seen a few. And it wasn't pretty. Anyway, this might be a good time to recycle all those penis straws! I wonder if mama would appreciate one of my homemade penis pinatas? Maybe mama would like an inflatable weiner to tote out with her around town? Oh lord--wait until I get married. I know I will be bombarded with the penis-goods. I am such a naughty naughty girl ;)

I am pretty stoked to go home, but somewhat nervous about the newness of my family situation. I'm sure it will be fine and comfortable once I get there--it's just the unknown and feeling left out and out of place. I am the black sheep of my family, the one who is miles away in a western land far far away. I guess I like it that way.

I am anxiously awaiting spring. March has been super cold and I am OVER IT! I am hoping that we will get to see a nice Virginia spring while we're there!

Well y'all--that's about it on this front. I can't wait to shed this hideous outfit! Or, maybe it's just that I can't wait to have a job where I don't have to don collars and slacks (another word I hate). C'est la vie!

Beware the Ides of March!

There has been a steady stream of hostility aimed at me over the last week or two. Granted, a lot of it has been uncontrollable...I am just the "middle man," so to speak. It's part of my job.

But just the same, I'd really like to know...
Why the hell do people get so bent out of shape?
Is it that fun to have your undies so tightly bunched up your ass?
Do you think your anger is going to solve your problem that much quicker?

And why do I have to take each and every email with "tone" so goddamn personally?

I'm pretty even-keeled, but the anger is like acid, eating away at me. There's only so much a girl can take. Universe, cut me some slack!

I could really use a compliment right now (hint hint).

Update:Not only is it the Ides of March but it is also a full moon and Mercury is in retrograde! A triple whammy!

Siblings.

Tale of a drunken leprechaun.

I told Kevin that my readership (if you can call it that) was down last week and he countered that maybe no one is all that interested in reading about my fast.

So, with this in mind, I have just one more thing to say about the fast: drinking and fasting DO NOT MIX.

Saturday morning found us up bright and early.....bright-eyed and bushy tailed (and horny too! Ha!). After a very healthy breakfast plucked straight from "Rosie's New Eating Plan," we decided to partake in a little smokey-smoke and head downtown to watch the St. Patty's Day Parade.

(An aside: Good thing we smoked.....'cause it was FUNNY! Parades are funny.)

Seeing as this was also the parade celebrating OUR PEOPLE, and because we are characteristically true to our Irish roots by being the big lushbags we are, beers were in order. Before noon--that's right. It's what we Irish folk do best.

This is what little Irish leprechauns from Kentucky wear:


Beers......3-4-8, who's counting? When mixed with 4 hours of playing pool, not me.



After pool we headed over to the Front Porch, where we played a fun game...Apples to Apples, I think? It was one I need to add to my non-existant collection immediately. Again, more beer.

It's now about 8 PM and no food has entered my stomach since breakfast. Come to think of it, if you tallied up ALL the food that had entered my system in the past week it wouldn't even be what one relatively active man eats in a day. For real.

So we (I) stumble down to My Brother's Bar in search of eats, and WHY oh WHY do I go and order a dirty vodka martini? All I remember of the five or so minutes of consciousness in that particular bar is trying to read the menu on the wall and thinking to myself "Wow, that is SO fuzzy!" Apparently I ordered a tuna sandwich. Tuna?

The rest is heresay, for its facts I cannot recall--Rose runs out of the restaurant, pukes, sprawls out on the sidewalk in full view of the bar patronage, a cab is called in for an emergency pick-up. There's more, but I am not in the business of grossing you out.

I messed up big time. Who fasts and then pours five gallons of brew in on a freshly cleansed and detoxed intestinal system? I am so disappointed in myself. TSK TSK. And I mean it.

So there you go, the last of the fast. Although, I can only imagine my stories of drunken debauchery might have the same effect on my readership and for this, my apologies.

Welcome back toxins.

Ha! Ha! Someone came to my blog last night because they googled "spanking machine." Hilarious. It is interesting to see how people find you--I've gotten a lot of hits from people who google "patagucci" and a few from googling "the perfect petal." I ended up deleting that particular post because when you google "the perfect petal" my blog comes up on the first page--and I didn't exactly say the most flattering things about the shop. Damage control, you know. I never want to hurt anyone's feelings.

So, I am drinking coffee, y'all! I made it! I feel great. I don't even want to eat. I tried on my favorite jeans and they're loose! Weeheehhhee! Of course, this was a cleanse, not a weight loss gig, but the feeling of loose jeans is so YUMMY! I'm sure you agree with me on this one.

Today will actually involve some chewing. I have an apple for breakfast, with almased, of course. Then a small salad and miso soup for lunch. For dinner--some steamed broccoli and carrots (I actually only picked those 2 so I could boast about now being able to spell them right!), some more almased. I have to ease my system back into food. Tomorrow will be more of the same. Saturday I start on the rest of my life.

I am also treating myself to a massage tonight. That will be heavenly. The manicure from yesterday is already peeling--I only got clear, but I can stop picking it off. What a waste, n'est pas?

I already feel a gurgle in my tummy. Uh-oh. Welcome back toxins!

Today,

I had a manicure for lunch.

Sixteen hours, and counting.

Halfway there.

Jeez...I'm struggling hard right now. This sucks, this is so painful. I have 1.5 more days of this. Rumble rumble. Irritation. Headache. Lack of concentration. Boredom.

I wish someone was doing this with me for support. I can't even handle the most mundane tasks at work today. Am I justified taking a sick day when I am the one making myself sick? Agghhhh, this feels so unbearable!

I have nothing to break up the day--it's lunchtime but I have no lunch. I'll have a walk, to the bank. Even that sounds unbearable. I have nothing to look forward to --is food really that important to me (besides what I need to live, smartasses!)? I wish I wasn't so reliant on food to fill me up. Why can't a lovely walk or a cup of tea be enough?

I think about food all the time, not just while fasting. It's all been taken away for the time being--the meal planning, the decisions, the shopping, the chewing, the social aspect. I went to bed at 7:30 am last night just to get away from my food thoughts. I slept for 12 hours.

It's more than just being hungry.

Update: Actually, I have 2 updates. One, I just started my period so not only am I fasting but I am ragging too. This should be interesting. And two, I successfully visited the grocery store over lunch without a major meltdown. I bought some Naked juices...the Almased and organic veggie broth was getting barfy. I am drinking a Superfood now and can I tell you that it is nothing short of the best thing I have ever tasted? I remember now that one of the side effects of fasting is an increased sense of taste....well, YUM. This drink has made my day infinitely better...momentarily, anyway.

In need of a sandwich.

In preparation for my new impending relationship with food, I am fasting. Spring cleaning, so to speak. And I feel....

LIKE SHIT! UGHHGAHHHHH! I want to die. I am so achy and cold and feverish and grumpy...oh yes, am I grumpy! I know it will slowly get better. Am I a total freak for starting (officially) my fast on a Monday?

Today it is gorgeous outside! Instead of lunch, I sat outside on campus and read. I am sunburned from yesterday (also gorgeous out) and it feels GOOD. The sunshine and warmth is making me happier by the second. Spring, o ye are only 2 weeks away! There are tulips coming up in the yard...this fills me with great joy!

The weekend was spent in a very inward, domestic way. I did some spring (house)cleaning on Saturday, aquainted myself with Hendie's new needle routine, did some yard work, read, napped, ran, walked Lu to the dog park, and ate only fruits and veggies...with a little brown rice thrown in. I cheated last night and had a glass of wine with my Oscars. Hey, today is the start of the nothingness. I didn't have coffee today and I am dying.

Bitch, moan. Bitch, moan. That's what this blog is for, right?

Work stuff: I don't talk about it but let's I am supremely irritated...which is only exacerbated by the fact that I HAVEN'T HAD SHIT TO EAT! RRRRRrrrrrrr.

Once I'm done cleansing my system I start rebuilding my health with Jen's menu plan. More water, less salt (my sodium intake was through the roof!), more whole foods (I have to ditch the non-fat shit), more variety, more balance...those are some of the focus areas. I know, you're probably thinking that all of this sounds terribly basic, but trust me--there's more to it, a science behind all of the combinations, if you will. And don't worry, I'm not going to become some militant foodie who eats her organic soy cheese while leering judgmentally at your slice of processed cheddar. Please, I don't even like soy cheese!

Anyway, I'm sorry for the intrinsic lameness of this post. Stringing a sentence together is proving incredibly difficult at the moment. A fast'll do that to ya.

Update on Biggie Purrs

Biggie Purrs and kitty mama are doing well, despite circumstances. Today's vet visit was somewhat of a relief....Mr. Purrs should be just fine once we get his blood glucose levels stable.

He got his first insulin shot today (MEOUCH!)and when we got home I could tell he was already perkier. We will only have to shoot him up (WHY do I enjoy saying that so much?) once a day, not twice. I was fearing a big lifestyle change but it really shouldn't be so bad. Thankfully, the needle did not incite a panic attack. I do believe I will be able to handle it.

WHEW. And life goes on.

Last night we had an enjoyable meal at Bistro Vendome. The prix fixe menu included a glass of vin maison, but we got THREE glasses of the delicious french juice, ALL on la maison. Points, right there. Kev has always been skeptical of french food, so I'm glad he enjoyed his meal. I had quite a wine buzz once we left and took my newfound kitty mama duties seriously by GOING HOME. Trust me, the urge to continue partying was exceptionally strong since we were already downtown, but I didn't beg or whine or suggest "just one more." Hell, I didn't even have an after-dinner smoke in the spirit of our yummy french dinnner. Go me!

I am getting ready to hit the gym. The shorts I ordered from Patagonia are a smidge too tight so I hereby declare them my GOAL SHORTS. Whatever happened to happy hour on Friday afternoons? The other week about 4 of us from the office were in the gym on a Friday evening. What's up with that? Volk Gymnasium is the new FAC?

Fret not, drinks with Jen follow. I FINALLY get the low-down on my eating plan, as I know many of you (Jess) have been anticipating. Between me and Biggie Purrs, life at our house is going to be resigned to eating schedules, charts, graphs, scales and monitors. Sheesh.

P.S. Thanks for all the well-wishes....Hendrix sends you all a big tuna-flavored smooch...it's nice to know that you all care!

:(

I am closed up in my office crying right now. I just talked to the vet. Hendrix has diabetes! I have to shoot him up with a needle everyday!

It's weird, before he even started showing any symptoms (drinking lots and peeing lots, losing weight), I feared diabetes. This fear stemmed from his being so overweight--I thought, if there had to be a risk with his obesity it was sure to be diabetes. Well, I was right. That sixth-sense that every kitty mama has.

I don't know all of the details yet, just that I have to take him in tomorrow morning so they can show me how and where the needle should go. I hate needles, I dread this. I will have to take him back every few days to monitor his glucose levels, then I have to learn how to test it myself. This means lots and lots of monitoring and attention and time and money. We can't just leave him for a few days to fend for himself anymore. I have to find someone who is willing and able to give him his shots while we are gone, even if it is only for 2 nights.

Of course, I will do whatever it takes to ensure a happy healthy life for Mr. Jimi. But the poor guy doesn't even know what's coming! I have such a soft spot for animals and that spot has been pushed right now! Tears!

I guess nobody goes through life without any health problems. In the end, this might be very good for me...to be a caretaker and to help me get over my fear of medical procedures.

Sameold sameold.

A lot of nothingbuteverything has been running through my head today...

...what's wrong with my kitty?
...is he really sick?
...who do I hire for my admin?
...where do we move next winter?
...do we move next winter?
...do I buy a house here in Denver and basically say fuck it, we're staying?
...am I drinking too much?
...am I eating too much?
...am I letting things go?
...why do I feel so unenthused?
...PMS?
...cutting back on my pill?
...why am I so concerned with my weight?
...why don't I want to work out this afternoon?
...what are my financial priorities?
...is my job fulfilling me?
...am I a good girlfriend, friend and daughter?
...why am I so critical?
...why did I eat that KFC the other day?
...why can't I go on my yearly Utah backpacking trip?

I know, sameold sameold. Writing it down makes all of this seem trivial. There's just this weight, this almost-urge to break down into tears. I am too much of a perfectionist. I am stressed out. I am tired. I am having a bad day.

I'll feel better tomorrow....sometimes you just need a day to ask the hard questions.